Match.com Hall of Shame #1

Subject: You little Muse you.
Hey Caustic,

You sound like the kind of girl that can handle my overwhelming massive intelect, firm nubile body, and my humble ego. I can write long rambling obsequious verbosities pining for the fiords with the upper echelon’s of the cerebral socialites, but instead, I’ll cut right to the chase. Oriental girls turn me on. I’ll tell you one thing. I don’t consider cuddle time compensation, but rather, one of the true rewards in life. Except of course when I’m in prison. How’d you like to lay around while I read to you from my favorite novels. Salinger, Dostoyevsky, Al Franken. Whatever your whistful little medula-oblongata fancies.

I’d spell check this to impress you, but it’s late and I’m too tired to start up OpenOffice.org on this here Fedora Linux box.
Gerat profile there, Caustic. Sweet dreams Sugarlips!

Needlenoots

What Went Wrong

  • “overwhelming massive intelect” (I don’t THINK so, buddy. Anyone who can’t spell “intellect” while touting their own is not going to impress me.)
  • “Except of course when I’m in prison.” (Um, hello? Is this supposed to be funny or are you just a sad, deluded little man?)
  • “Sweet dreams Sugarlips!” (EW. Just plain EW.)
  • “Oriental girls turn me on.” (Asian fetish. ‘Nuff said. Go find a girl who speaks bad “Engrish” and still needs a green card. I’m already a citizen.)

Overall Impression:
Violently repulsed

This entry was posted in General.

One thought on “Match.com Hall of Shame #1

  1. – “Gerat” response, Needlenoots
    – Oriental is for objects/items, not people or nationality. So technically, the “oriental girls” that turn him on are limited to blow up dolls
    – Openoffice.org? In college, this email would have been treated to an OpenAppleD (after forwarding it around to all of my friends first)

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