Match.com Hall of Shame #10

Looking for a hole in one?

35-year-old man
Ocala, FL, US

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Subject: Hello
Hi my name is Kenny, I’m a divorced white male in Ocala. I’m 5’11”, 160lb, in good shape. I have always been attracted to asain women, they are the most beautiful in the world. And from looking at your picture I can say that you are too. I would be interested in meeting you for dinner or whatever sometime, you can e-mail me direct at *address removed* Talk to you soon. kenny

What Went Wrong:

  • “Hi my name is Kenny, I’m a divorced white male in Ocala.” (Run-on sentence. *sniffs*)
  • “I’m 5’11”, 160lb, in good shape.” (5’11” + 160 lb = String Bean)
  • “I have always been attracted to asain women” (Here we go again. The plaintive cry of the lonely Asian Fetish Boy (aka AFB). Go away and harass some “asain women.” I am ASIAN.)
  • “they are the most beautiful in the world. And from looking at your picture I can say that you are too.” (Look at this guy. He flat out admits that he only cares about my ethnic background and my photo. What a creep.)

Overall Impression:
Another superficial AFB

Match.com Hall of Shame #9

Gentleman and a Scholar

29-year-old man
Winter Park, FL, US
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Subject:

wow, you wrote a lot but it was interesting. fortunatley you wont have to correct my spelling or grammar. its probably better than yours. but i will keep this short and sweet cuz i imagine you get alot of these. you can check out my profile and see what you think. im pretty intellectual but not brainy or showy about it. but write me back and we can talk. talk to you soon, ariel
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(From his profile)
About me and who I’d like to date

I am open to many things and lifestyles as long as people are true to themselves. Be who you are and what you like and that’s the connection I’m into. my favorite book is The Godfather favorite movie might be swingers favorite song is definitely the greatest love of all simply because i decided long ago never to walk in anyones shadow. my favorite color is aqua sea foam shame. my lucky number is 12 7/8 and if i had to choose between a long walk on the beach or unicorns i’d take unicorns. on th beach. my favorite food is cookies and if i could meet anybody it would be me in 10 years to make sure i havent lost any of my wit or charm. im not so concerned with my intelligence. thats not going anywhere.

What Went Wrong:

  • “fortunatley you wont have to correct my spelling or grammar. its probably better than yours.” (You can NOT be serious….Count the errors in these two short sentences, and then tell me who’s better at the language thing. )
  • “im pretty intellectual but not brainy or showy about it.” (You must be hiding that intellectual light under a bushel the size of a wooly mammoth’s backside, then.)
  • “my favorite color is aqua sea foam shame.” (WTF?)
  • “if i could meet anybody it would be me in 10 years to make sure i havent lost any of my wit or charm.” (It’s tough to lose something you don’t have to begin with, I suspect.)

Overall Impression:
At first, I wasn’t sure if this email’s kindergarten writing style was slyly mocking my profile comment about having to correct the spelling and grammar of most of the guys who write me, or if this guy was just a complete nincompoop who truly believed he was a good writer. After a great deal of thought and a quick perusal of his actual profile text, though, I’m inclined to go with the latter assessment.

Match.com Hall of Shame #8

Funny and Good Looking (or is it funny looking?)

32-year-old man
Pine Castle, FL, US
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Subject: Okay – so I’m a Circuit City guy

Buy can opposites really make it work?

Anyway I won’t give you the “blah – blah – blah” about how beautiful you look in your photos and how much I love Asian women. (If you had a nickel for every one of those you got …)

So if you’re up to reading my profile, (by the way, the photos in the black shirt are from several years ago – intended to show that I can dress nice – HEY , it’s my lie and I’ll tell it how I want to) and then, are not scarred off – I look forward to chatting with you.

Take care,
Steve

p.s – You really look beautiful in your photos and I just LOVE Asian women.

🙂

What Went Wrong:

  • “not scarred off” (I know, I know…I’m a broken record about this, but watch those typos!)
  • “p.s – You really look beautiful in your photos and I just LOVE Asian women” (Oh please, spare me the coy declarations of your Asian fetish. Why do men think this is a flattering statement? Only a golddigger and/or an airheaded bimbo would be happy to know that her primary appeal lies in a set of arbitrary physical characteristics and assumed cultural characteristics–subservience-BAH!–that have nothing to do with her skills, accomplishments, or experiences.)

Overall Impression:
Mildly disgusted by the statements regarding “Asian women.” Automatic downgrade from “Maybe” to “No way.”