Cats, Cottage Cheese, and Why I Hate Ghetto-Mart

Stupid Cat Moment of the Day: I had to make a quick breakfast of cottage cheese and blueberries since tai chi class ends so late. While I was nuking my bowl of frozen berries, I left the container of Wal-Mart Great Value Fat-Free Small Curd Cottage Cheese sitting open on my counter. When I turned around, Neville Longbottom, my younger tabby cat, had his entire kitty face buried in the cottage cheese and was noshing away. He had white stuff clinging to his whiskers when he looked up. What a weird cat.

What a pain it was to get that CC, too. I had to go to Super Ghetto-Mart last night around 9:45 pm after getting lost in the Universal Studios area trying to find the apartment of a Freecycle gal who was giving me her fake bonsai tree. I knew I wouldn’t make it to Publix in time to pick up the absolutely necessary CC once I’d finally acquired my new faux bonsai, so I popped into the Super Wal-Mart on Kirkman and Metrowest for some. I grabbed three big containers of CC ($0.21 cheaper each than Publix!) and headed to the checkout lanes only to make the mistake of getting into a “self check-out” line. I thought it would be faster.

I was so wrong.

People, if you are completely hopeless at working with technology, following basic instructions, and locating barcodes on your items, please stay the hell out of the self check-out lines! Go give a check-out girl in the full-service line something to do besides fluff her circa 1985 mall hair with her 3″ long fingernails. It took the two people in front of me a total of 17 minutes to check out because, quite frankly, they were idiots. Here’s how to tell if you aren’t ready for self check-out: If you still get confused at an ATM or need 30 minutes to complete a transaction at a pay-at-the-pump gas station, you are NOT ready for the “user-friendly Wal-Mart self check-out” experience.

The moron in front of me (who, sadly enough, was trying to purchase a flat of Maruchan Instant Noodle Cups) last night acted like he was in a godawful rush by grabbing a bag while the doddering grandpa in front of HIM was scratching his head over his own transaction, and then proceeded to be even more of a traffic jam in the highway of discount commerce by trying to scan the same cup of noodles over and over instead of putting the thing in the bag on the digital scale.

Oh, didn’t you all know that the self-check out lanes at Wal-Mart have scales hooked up to the bag holders to make sure that you are putting the actual items you ring up into the bag, and not dumping 10 cans of cat food into the bag and paying for just one? After each item is scanned, the system waits for you to place something of the correct preprogrammed weight into bag on the scale before you can ring up the next item. Mr. “I’m In A Hurry” failed to realize this even though the computerized voice told him to put his crap into the bag! I figured this out immediately. He kept trying to scan the same stupid item over and over for a good 3-4 minutes before he finally put it in the bag. Then he tried the whole thing again with another noodle cup.

Hello? Didn’t we learn anything the first time?

Sigh.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he had to RE-COUNT each rung up item on the computer display after he scanned another cup. He didn’t even trust himself to scan the right number of noodles. I sincerely hope the guy doesn’t have any kids. The thought of someone so brainless actually breeding gives me the chills. Of course, given the number of noodle cups this guy was buying instead of real groceries, he’s probably a sad-sack bachelor anyhow.

There’s nothing like a trip to the local Ghetto-Mart to make you feel 100% better about your own life.

Just in case anyone was wondering, I scanned and checked out in 1 minute, 22 seconds. I thought the people behind me would applaud, but they were too busy screwing up their own check-out.

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