Friday, 8 Oct 2004
There’s nothing like eating crow. It goes perfectly with my morning protein shake. 
After my mini-rant this past weekend about gals who shouldn’t be wearing certain clothes, I went into my photo archives and noticed that just one year ago, I was *one of them*!
I think I was close to 150 lbs (and very much a fluffalump in my too-tight hiphuggers and little tops) when some of the photos were taken, and after comparing them to my current photos, I’m never letting myself get back to that state again. Some of those photos were the reason I started BFL; one always THINKS they look better than they really do, and then the photos come in from the store and “OMG! EEEEEK! Do my arms really look like that? And is that a ROLL above my beltline? I’m starting BFL tomorrow!” Suddenly each of us is our own worst critic.
I can admit that I was just as guilty of wearing clothes better left to the trim and fit as any of the mall ratlings I saw this weekend, and have bravely posted photos of ALL of my fashion faux pas of last year in my blog album.
Squishy, Pre-BFL Me: http://maggiewang.com/photos/Before
Not-So-Squishy, Post-BFL Me: http://maggiewang.com/photos/after
Hopefully this will give some of you a laugh and confirm that BFL DOES work to achieve what’s really important: Looking good in cute clothes!
I think size and comfort level with one’s body are all relative. Obviously I wasn’t shying away from the fitted clothing when I was 15 lbs heavier and 3 sizes larger than I am now! I might not have been toned or tiny last year, but I sure was working the tank tops anyway. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I still had the confidence and residual mental image of myself that I’d developed when I was a full-time, physically-fit Army girl, even though I’d leaped off the fitness wagon into a vat of workplace candy and pizza. I wore those clothes last year, and I felt darn good doing it, but in my own self-perception, I looked a lot better in them than I actually did, objectively speaking.
The camera’s eye is a lot less forgiving than our own. 
I was fluffy as a teenager and in college, fit in the Army, then fluffy again when I got out to go back to school and work full-time. My perceptions of what are an acceptable level of fitness and body fat for my own body are colored by my four years in military service, when it was part of my duty to stay in shape and maintain a healthy weight and body fat, and overweight civilians were looked upon with a mixture of pity and disdain. I know, I know–it’s a horrible attitude to have, but the military mindset doesn’t leave a lot of room for warm, fuzzy group hugs. I’m still trying to shake off some of the brainwashing after 4 years out of the service. Anyway, looking at my “before” photos and in the mirror this year, I realized that I was no longer within my *own* tolerance levels, no matter what other people thought.
I don’t know if any of you have seen the Mel Brooks space movie spoof, “Spaceballs,” but I felt just like the President character when he was beamed aboard the spaceship with his head on backwards so he could look down and see his own backside for the first time.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me my ass was this big?”
I was basically annoyed with myself for expanding into size 12s and pushing at the boundaries of 14 in jeans, so I channeled that anger into getting through the hideous BFL HIIT runs. Even now, I’m still not quite where I want to be, but I’m getting there a little bit at a time, and I’m not going to deprive myself of fun clothing along the way until I get there!
Now I’m going to throw in a little disclaimer: my ramblings are just based on my personal standards for myself. If you are coming from the other end of the spectrum, having been much larger and arriving at size 12 through months of sweat and cottage cheese, you totally deserve to work the hiphuggers and trendy tops no matter what I or anyone else says.
I do have one minor caveat for you before you sashay out into the world in your tube top and low-rise flares, though: Just make sure they fit properly first!
