What Not To Sing

Note to karaoke self at 1 AM in the K bar: Do not ever attempt anything by Melissa Etheridge in a smoky bar. You don’t have a naturally scratchy voice, your high notes go to hell after 10 seconds of secondhand smoke, and there’s ALWAYS a bleached blond, chain-smoking white chick who will sing the SAME song better than you about 30 minutes after you offer up your own feeble attempt at “Am I The Only One?”.

Same with anything by Stevie Nicks.

And you should probably give up on the dream of White Zombie, Judas Priest, Fuel, and Linkin Park, too. You lack that angsty growl thing.


To everyone else: May anyone who dares to torture my ears again with the following songs develop selective laryngitis until they discover the joys of a more diverse set list.

– I Will Survive
– American Pie
– Let’s Get It On
– Redneck Woman
– Goodbye Earl
– Summer Nights
– Love Shack
– Friends In Low Places
– Anything by Kelly Clarkson

That is all.